Urban Shamanism

What my mother's pain has taught me

I've been having difficulty sleeping these past three nights, so yesterday, instead of going to bed right when I started feeling sleepy, I waited and took a cup of hot chocolate one of my sisters made. It was a bomb for my stomach as I knew it would be, but cocoa is a medicine too, so instead of focusing on the mild stomach ache, I meditated on healing with the Night Rune you see below, to realign my body and liberate the energy and information within my cells. The physical sensation was amazingly profound, the vibration I felt in my body was tremendous. As I've done many times before, I reflected on the choice of pain and suffering, and immediately connected with my mom's experience. She died of metastatic breast cancer, but this wasn't some tragedy that befell her out of nowhere. She asked for it, gave herself completely into it.

She did this willingly in order to protect her children and many, many more people besides. Her choice was so total that she was producing four times as much estrogen (the fuel for cancerous cells) as she ever did, even though she was taking suppressors three times a day. She took in enormous physical anguish and died pretty young, at 45 years old. It was the opposite of running away from trouble, really, but mom was and is quite bold. She literally breasted the darkness and gained powerful insights from it. I know it because I can talk to her whenever I need to, she made sure that I could accomplish that by guiding me through her ordeal after she was no longer in this coil. She accepted the pain she'd summoned and in so doing, she freed herself to levels I can scarcely imagine right now.

Her bodily suffering and the grief of her death left a profound mark in me that I took many years to unveil and even longer to use as a tool. With her passing, she taught me accountability and determination; she inspired me, at an unconscious level then, to achieve great things; most importantly, she gave me a firm example that pain and death aren't fearsome enemies but teachers, that they shape us constantly and help us evolve. It's because of this that I'm able to do the things I do now, to live happily and freely in a country were so many live beset by tribulation, in a world currently undergoing a difficult transformation. She ensured me tranquility of mind and spirit.

I don't fear pain or death now, the former indicates change and thus evolution, the latter is the doorway to that evolution. This perspective allows me to move from place to place, to detach from or develop any connections at will, to learn and unlearn things readily, to question myself and always reach deeper for revelations about my Purpose. I don't fear because I trust, that's one of mom's greatest lessons: she trusted and surrendered to what she had to live, and I can do no less, nor do I want to. I chose this path and it's giving me joy beyond my dreams, whatever prices I must pay to keep walking it are utterly justified, and I pay them willingly. Like the reading says, when I serve the world, I serve myself, and what a service I'm getting!

Night Rune: Dagaz

(Meditation) Bodily alignment and cellular release. (Dream) I descend a mountain with a group of people through a dry riverbed.

Daylight Rune: Sowelo

Energy suddenly released, powerful flashes that show the world as it is. The revelation may be difficult at first, but it brings great joy, accept the information that is offered to you and integrate it to your identity. Being present for your life allows you greater calm, that which you avoid chases after you. Observe with attention and listen with respect, foment kindness and tranquility wherever you are. Cushion harsh truths with a smile and a tone of conciliation. Simplify your reality and your routines, eliminate obstacles for your energy, increase the efficiency of your flow. Be thankful for what you have, your gifts are not few; give and receive in abundance, fulfill your labor with dedication without expecting approval or recognition. Serving others is serving yourself.