Urban Shamanism

We're not alone, we're not special

We all have issues, needs to cover, demands to fulfill. We all have to build our lives every day, with every breath. Literally everyone we know is on the same boat, some with more drama than others, but all of us moving on the same path, seeking transcendence as best we can. Why, then, do we think that our problems are the worst? That nobody could possibly understand us? That we're special cases? There are a lot of aspects at play here, pride being one of the most important, because yes, whether we realize it or not, we can harbor the feeling that our unique challenges make us also uniquely wiser than the rest, that the shadows we've crossed are darker than anyone else's.

So many wallow in despair because they don't like others telling them that their dramas could be dismantled, they don't like the idea that their pain could indeed be overcome, even as they hope for it with all their heart. I've noticed that in myself before. Going against the grain makes us feel like rebels, like we're standing up for something, even if it's only our right to be miserable; it also ensures that misery, because we're often frightened by the unknown, put off by uncertainty, and that misery is certain, it's like an island of surety in a sea of doubts. We cling to it as if it could save us from ourselves, and we eventually develop the delusion that we rule over our little island despite the fact that the waves constantly wash on its shores and make it smaller by the minute.

I started the day with a friend's message: she was asking me whether I thought that using people to get out of an emotional pit was a bad thing. Essentially, she's afraid that she might overburden others with her issues just by expressing them. She acknowledges that speaking about what troubles her brings her peace but, since she's fond of overthinking, she hasn't made up her mind about the effect that she's having on others. I told her that if she has things to express and doesn't, then she carries the burden and would soon enough be forced to lay it down on someone or something, instead of dealing with it. She thinks it's impossible for her to see the middle ground, that she can't avoid thinking about these things, but I told her that's only something she tells herself and that, as long as she kept repeating it, she's reinforcing it, making it a reality. She seems to assume that her emotional issues are too much for others to bear, that she'll affect others negatively if she talked about them and, much more crucially, that she can know what people around her are feeling or thinking, and fills herself with doubts because of that assumption. Since I've been through that myself, I know there's an important load of entitlement and arrogance there, but didn't mention that.

We control nothing but our perspectives and attitudes. If we choose to keep to ourselves then we better have the tools to work on ourselves. If we choose to share with others then we better realize that they also have their inner worlds and that whatever effects we might have on them, they're also having an effect on us, reflecting us who we are inside. My friend isn't sure how to communicate what she feels and so she conceals that need behind the idea that she wants to protect others from her issues by keeping them within. She doesn't realize why and she won't, until she stops seeing the problem outside and focuses on the inside, something that only she can decide and pursue. I told her it wasn't at all about other people and asked her a few rhetorical questions just to present a different view, perhaps she'll meditate about that, perhaps she won't, but from experience I know that one of the deepest, strongest limitations for shifts in perspective is the idea that our perspective can't and shouldn't be changed, that our opinion is equal to our identity and thus abandoning it is akin to abandoning who we are, our personal dignity. This pride is a tremendous hindrance, very hard to accept and even harder to dismantle, but it's essential to do so if we want to leave our puny islands and venture into the sea of possibility.

Night Rune: Tiwaz

I connect with a powerful character. A woman who is many women smiles at me and bids me welcome to a place.

Daylight Rune: Thurisaz inverted

Reduce the aggression, slow down your progress, observe yourself and meditate before acting. Calm and strategic thinking can help you overcome obstacles better than force at this moment. Reconsider the choices that are restricting you now. Exercise contemplation, avoid the transgression of contextual boundaries. You have tools that you are not using which would be very valuable for your process, take your time and review yourself exhaustively. Moderate your tone, seek neutrality and temperance, do not demand from others what you are not willing to give. The fast work is not always the efficient one, sacrifice speed for precision and care, decrease the effort and increase the benefit.