Urban Shamanism

Fear marks the Way

Yesterday, I finally got the teeth extraction that I needed. Four teeth at once, and there's still one wisdom tooth to pull, but it's in a more complicated situation and will require more work because of its position, so I left it for January. But the hardest work is already past and I'm so proud of myself! I tell you, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done, the fear of having my teeth fixed, and especially of these extractions, has been a huge issue for me for years. I resisted and resisted until there was no other choice, my lower teeth were starting to get mushed together, the pressure in the right side of my face was growing and it was a matter of time before I got an infection. Still, I resisted some more until I worked myself through the process. This year, after many sessions of meditation, I managed to transform that fear into growing excitement and, eventually, gratitude. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was eager for this intervention, I felt the blockage there was gigantic and I wasn't wrong; I had two teeth locked together in the lower right corner of my mouth and it took the dentist a full hour to get them out. For me, the relief was palpable even before she'd extracted them: a stoppage had been removed and right on time for the Full Moon in Gemini this Saturday, which is powerful Throat Chakra energy.

I've had transformative experiences in the past, naturally, but none like this year. I've made so many important choices in the past few months that my last-year self would be unable to recognize me now. This extraction was probably the most important of all these choices, and it marks an unprecedented change in my life; I'm already celebrating that change inside, and in five days when my recovery is fully over, I'll celebrate openly, because I know this took every inch of willpower in me. It might seem strange to some but in my heart, nothing I've done, not the years in the darkness of my country's tyranny, nor the hours dedicated to doing shadow work to uncover my deepest demons, nor the many times I've attended ceremonies with ancestral plants, equals in bravery to what I just did. This is the message that I want to share today: being brave is being able to surpass ourselves, leaving behind preconceptions, doubts, old ideas of identity and purpose. Bravery is adaptation and evolution.

Being courageous is acting in accordance to the needs of our Heart, jumping into the Abyss with no knowledge or understanding of what comes next. When we make a choice that brings us face to face with our fear, we may have some clue of what will happen if we cross the line, but the very act of crossing the line changes us forever, so that which we expected, were anxious about or hoped for may end up being very different to the image we had in our minds. Facing the fear is always good, because fear marks the path that we must follow, the threshold that we must step through. Once the fear has passed, we unveil a new aspect of our being, an aspect that we may not have even imagined that we had and will certainly help us overcome other deeper limitations with increasingly less effort and pain.

I was telling an acquaintance a couple of days ago that fear is a very different experience for me now. Every time I feel it, it shifts almost immediately to excitement for the new tasks and instruments that I'll access once I overcome it. The stronger the fear, the greater the reward, and part of that reward is heightened bravery, strength to face harsher truths with a softer edge to them. Being brave is doing things that scare us precisely because they scare us; being brave is moving before the paralysis of resistance sets in, accepting transformation gallantly, especially if it requires the death of who we used to be, the loss of things we deem valuable. Acceptance itself comes with the reward of evolution, for what we accept we integrate, and what we integrate expands our awareness. I accepted the extraction of my teeth, now they're gone and my mouth is healing along with my capacity of expression. I'm ready to offer my personal Truth to the world to a far greater extent and depth!

Night Rune: Tiwaz

I honor beautiful and strong women. I explore deep places sealed with geometry. I face and disable my own danger.

Daylight Rune: Algiz

Do not fear what you must face nor be afflicted by what you have left behind, a great protection hovers unseen above your forehead for past sacrifices and prayers. The lessons do not repeat without a reason, if you identify the resurgence of a process that you have seen before, concentrate on the teaching that it brings you; remember also what you have discovered, the learning that is not implemented is not integrated. Observe the ramifications of the path and patiently choose which ones to explore, there is no rush. Reconcile your visions with the events around you, recognize your patterns of behavior and make the necessary changes. The greatest teachers guide by example, not with beautiful phrases or arcane formulae; grandiloquence and constant advice are signs of pride which demand attention.