Urban Shamanism

I surrender to the wisdom of the Mother

Yesterday's ritual was one of the most important I've done since I started this spiritual journey. I started it earlier while waiting for my friend to be available because I needed to see what was going on with that fear that was blocking my sexual energy. The first part was fairly simple, my only intent was to relax as much as possible and observe any discomforts. Then I began to visualize and, among other things, I felt my Sacral Chakra burst with energy and saw the Phoenix there, girdling my waist with its wings. Then the bird became a volcano and then I started shaking, feeling cold, both common signs of shadow. I reviewed my previous relationships with women, some with more intensity than others, and sifted through the discomforts that I'd felt in those situations, finding fear of rejection, of company, of commitment, of losing my independence, etc. None of them were the root of it, so I sought to simplify and was shocked to realize that, deep down, I feared protection, because my mom died so that I could be my own man early, so that I had to take responsibility for my life as soon as possible, and therefore I grew up with a conditioning to avoid the protection of other women as I considered it a limitation. I didn't feel the fear but I observed it as a mesh in my psyche, and revived the moments when this fear prompted me to sabotage my relationships. I never thought of myself as an emotional saboteur but it was clear to me last night that I behaved as such many times.

Then I saw a scene I didn't expect: a man like Jon Snow was waiting in a castle for the arrival of an undead army, but instead of waiting within the walls, the man stepped out alone. As he saw the army approach, he began hearing their wailing in his mind, their cries of agony and sorrow, the grief of their slavery. The man started crying unconsolably, and slowly started levitating. A kind of bubble surrounded him and any undead that crossed its boundaries fell to the ground. I felt that, with his tears, the man was cleansing, forgiving and bringing peaceful rest to the restless corpses, cutting them off the energy that had animated them. As I watched, I assumed his point of view and felt his tears as my own. This was the first part of my process, my friend joined me afterwards and we shared for a bit before resuming the ritual. The vision of the man and the army brought the message of Compassion, which I'll develop in tomorrow's post.

We restarted the ritual and this time I used five Tarot arcana to channel the energy of the Mother, the Moon, Water and Fire. Once again the first part of the process was very physical, even moreso than the previous one. I began shaking much more strongly and the tension in the left side of my face started to become more painful. Then I saw mom, she appeared to me dressed in white like a bride and with the apparent age she had when I was born. She took me by the arm into the amphitheater where the billions of women of my lineage were gathered and they commenced a ritual of healing upon me, with my mom right before me and the rest of the women arrayed in concentric circles around me, like celestial choirs, including my friend whom I saw briefly but intensely at one point. I've never experienced a vision this long with mom, the healing took place for several minutes but it was much bigger at the spiritual level. I saw her open the skies and bring down all the Stars in the Universe, placing them in specific points of my body, urging me time and again to accept the offerings and the knowledge that she and the other women bring. I opened myself to it and prayed.

Today I'll attend my third Talking Circle and I'll likely discover even more about all this, but what I saw and felt last night was way more potent than I thought it'd be, a testament to how far I've come. I'm profoundly thankful to mom and all my ancestresses for this magnificent work, and to the Purpose that moves me in this lifetime. The deeper I go, the freer I become!

Rune of the Day: Raidho

Round, response. Recognize the faces and names of those who surround you, open yourself to their suggestions, clear their doubts. Ask only what you need to know, avoid interrupting others in their reflections and give yourself time for yours. Retrace your steps and observe the decisions that have brought you here, the challenges that you have overcome to be who you are, you can always extract more information from your experiences. As the celestial orbits, the world is organized in unbreakable and unstoppable cycles, you can try and resist them or ride them to boost your progress. Everything has a natural rhythm, a particular oscillation; any entity can support you if you adapt your rhythms to its frequency. Staying with a single perspective is a luxury that you cannot afford in this times of change, broaden your vision.